Whisk Me Away

I woke up. I woke up for the second night in a row standing in our bathroom. I've never been one for sleep walking. Standing in the dark it took me several seconds to finally figure out where i was. Standing before the mirror gripping both sides of the sink. Avoiding the mirror i noticed the scissors that i always kept in the bottom drawer laying on the counter.
I remembered the day i bought them. It was cold and raining, we had been planning on cutting your hair. I wanted you to go to a salon, you told me once you got the job we would go to the salon every week. At the time we were the poorest and most in love. Struggling together.The only picture in our studio apartment was the one your mom took of us, she had snuck up on us as i had climbed onto your lap needing to feel your whole body against mine on your parents porch swing. You told me that was the only art we needed that it was silly to get expensive art that neither of us could understand.
We skipped two meals so we could buy the ones meant just for hair. Your hair was so long. We sat in the pale light of the kitchen debating whether or not to keep it long. It was late, i had been pacing our small space for hours waiting to hear if you got the job. Your smile was so big as you rushed to me. We celebrated by making love on the kitchen floor.
Running my hands through your long hair for the last time i think that's when everything changed. If i would have known i would have never cut it. I would have pushed you back on the floor and made love to you until our bodies couldn't anymore. You changed as i cut your hair short. You became a man with a job, a man with a five year plan. A man with plans of moving up in the world.
It was two months later that the strip turned pink and i was carrying your child, that was the same day you got your promotion. I think i know which one you were more happy about. You never knew but i kept a peace of your long hair. I tied it and put it in one of the three books we had owned at the time. We have a library now. You bought it for me after we lost the baby.
So long ago. Now you laid in our huge bed fast asleep, and i was awake again. Looking in the mirror i saw a face i didn't recognize. My long hair tangled and wild around my face. I picked up our scissor. The cheap ones we bought in the store under our crappy studio apartment. It was raining that day and you pulled me outside to have a kiss in the rain, whispering to me how much you loved me as the water washed the city clean.
The darkness around me was suffocating. I shut the bathroom door so not to wake you and flipped the light on. Picking up the scissors i cut. I cut and i cut. My hair fell all around me just like yours had. I felt the weight begin to lift off my heart as i cut away the fights we had had, and the silent dinners. I cut away the night you didn't come home, and the look on your face when you did. I cut away your job and our retirement plan. I cut away my pain from the miscarriage. I cut until there was nothing more.
Turning off the light i waited for my eyes to adjust to the ever present darkness. Leaving my hair everywhere i left our huge apartment with expensive art hanging on our walls, you still asleep in our bed.