I never told you how mad i am

One of my very best friends growing up came out after high school. We had been friends since we were 13 i knew all the things he liked and hated, i knew if there was even the slightest change in his mood. 7 years of friendship. 7 years of phone calls and sneaking out, 7 years of movies and fights, 7 years of crying and holding my hand.

When he decided to come out i had already known for months. He was acting so different. He couldn't even say the words out loud to me. I took his hand and told him i already knew and it wasn't going to change how much i loved him. He was going to be whoever he wanted to be and i was going to love him just as much if not more. I held his hand as we told our friends. I held his hand when his parents found out.

I never got the chance to tell him how much it hurt me. To see him turn into a completely different person. Its as if he googled "how to be gay" and followed it religiously. After two months of coming out he had started hitting on my younger brother, smoking, doing drag, and buying pot from my older brother. He started doing all of the things that went against being him. I stood by him and defended him to our friends. I wanted to understand why he was leaving himself behind to be someone he thought he had to be. I wanted to grab the cigarette out of his mouth and scream "what the hell are you thinking?"

I feel like i am an open person, it takes a lot to make me cringe. But hearing "Gay J" tell me that he had always wanted to sleep with my boyfriend and how much he wants to blow my brother was to much. I pushed myself away and he seemed more then eager. I hate to think that i was holding him back from being who he really wanted to be. Its not that i hate gay people i understand that you fall in love with the person and sometimes you just cant stop yourself. But when a group of people become all the same thing it makes me sick. Not all black people are gangsters, not all Jews are cheep. Not all Gay people like to wear make up.

Letting go of who you really are is the worst thing to me.

The moment you put down your Led Zeppelin album and picked up the Brittany Spears cd you let go of who you were. Lets stop pretending that either of us want anything to do with the other. Your not the only one who can change.

Pictures that make me ever so happy

Thanks ColorMeKatie for being such an amazing artist, you inspire me daily!

PARIS AMOUR

After many years of having the same Kill Bill poster in my room (the only thing even remotely like art in my room) I have decided to get rid of the old and start a new. Uma will have to find a new wall to have her revenge, because i am turning French (and we all know that the French never plan revenge) I am going to turn my room into a Paris room. I have many pictures that i am going to post let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions PLEASE let me know because i do not have a decorating bone in my body and plan on using Crystal and Lindsay for most of the creative ideas!

Here are some great pictures of PARIS....

Oh the

streets of Paris!

If i don't clean my room soon i think something like this might happen....

Dear UVU,

As i am very glad that you have become a university (after many years of torment) and are on your way to getting a foot ball team (trying). I would like to make a formal complaint, you need a moving walkway that starts at the library and goes all the way to the effing top of the Gunther Tech building, which is practically on the other side of Provo Canyon. Now i love putting thousands of dollars into my education even if its just teaching my self, but how about i get a say on what my money goes to. NO we do not need another stupid statue of a pioneer! so what if they paved the way to utah BIG FREAKING DEAL! Uvu wasn't even built until the 70's.

Lets get started on this right away so it can be done by (the very least) 2042.

with love,

tired of getting blisters.

Things i am LOVING about 2010

2009 was a great year, but i am not interested at all in dwelling in the past, these are my favorite things so far about this new year.....

• Was forced (not against my own will) to watch and love House.

• Started a Kick Boxing class with Crystal.... we plan on busting some moves.

• I love love love that Finley can smile and interact with every one, i love the way her head fits just perfectly under my chin as she sleeps for four hours straight. I love her fuzzy hair, i love that her eyes are the same color as mine, I love her face when she gets in the warm water at bath time, I just love everything about her.

• I read the BEST book in about 2 days because i couldn't put it down, Its called The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder, by Rebecca Wells. She also wrote the Ya-Ya sister hood and Little Altars everywhere. This book made me laugh out loud, it made me cry to the point of shaking and haggard breathing, and yes i know how cliche that sounds. I will be buying this book as soon as possible and reading it over and over again. If you have the chance READ it ASAP.

• On the same topic of books i got my somewhat illiterate (love ya) roommate Miss Kate to read! and here is the kicker.... SHE actually enjoyed it!!!
• Onto movies... oh so many i have watched and loved and its only been 2 weeks in.... i have narrowed it down and i have decided that my two favorite of the year (again so far) have to be Away We Go, with John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph and 500 Days of Summer staring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel.

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