Voicemails from my Mother

These are just two of the six voice mails i have in my inbox from my mom.

I just want everyone to remember, she cant help herself.

Voicemail #1 august 13, 2010 4:40pm

Reeeeeiiiiiiillllllly? Reeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiillllllyyyyy? Rei?

I was wondering if you could go to Cafe' Rio and get some soup. Some chicken soup. Ya I'm sick and i need some chicken soup. Some Cafe Rio soup and a cup of ice. A large cup. And some chicken soup from Cafe Rio.

Can you do that? I hope your feeling better. If your not I'll share my medication with you.

But i need some soup cause I'm at home and i cant drive, cause I'm sick. Really sick. Did i tell you I'm sick? I'm on the toilet sick. I'm sick.

I love you. I hope your not sick. I hope you go to Cafe Rio and get me chicken soup.

Wah Wah Wah

(which goes on for about 45 seconds)

That's me crying because I'm dehydrated and i have no tears left.

Goodbye. Oh ya this is your Mom. Love you.

(Then for a very painful ten minutes i hear her in the bathroom, because she has no idea how to work her phone and didn't shut it off.)

Voicemail #2 August 13, 2010 6:23pm

Reilly its me your mom. I didn't die. You might have thought I did because the message went on and on. But I didn't push end i just closed the lid. Because i was on the toilet and my hands were...

So that's why it didn't, it didn't hang up. I didn't die. I didn't want you to worry. I'm not dead. Probably wont die today, but if i don't get soup by tomorrow i might very well.

So Dad went off camping and didn't even see if I had water or bananas which i don't or Gatorade which i hate, or anything. He didn't even give me a kiss goodbye. He just said "Well we've been planning this for a long time."

Ya I'm going to stab him when he gets home, with a stick.

I love you. Goodbye. I'm hanging up the button so you don't think i died.

Crystal

When i was writing the title of this post my mom (standing behind me) says "I call her Crystal-Dear." and i said (shoving her away) "I call her dumb."
She mumbles something under her breath as she walks away.

ANYWAYS......

Crystal,

You are my favorite sister to be. I am so glad you were born. I know this is late, your birthday was on Friday. I also know that my present is late.... (i get paid on Tuesday) But... Here is a blog post just for you sweets.My baby brother could not have found a more perfect match. you are the peanut to his butter. Never before has someone who is not in our family been able to stay in the same room with us all for such large amounts of time.You are the best sister a girl could ask for. And i know you think the threats about keeping you locked in our basement for 2 years while Reese is gone are us joking.... well were not. We have a nice corner all made up for you. It has a craft table, and a comfy pillow for you to sleep on.
Happy Birthday Sweets. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being such a great example. Thank you for taking a dumb boy and making him a kind man. Thank you for being my sister. Love you girl.

Feeling like a rebel......

...Anybody want to help me start a fire?